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ha. ha ha.

"consistency will be a thing! i will post more of the things!"
- me in june 2016

i have good intentions, i swear.

i also have a hard time talking about myself, even on the internet where it's slightly less weird? so posting regularly is apparently an exercise in social interaction, even if it's actually not and i really just need to get my stuff together.

on the upside, been posting fic! (that was another thing, didn't do much writing for a while so i didn't necessarily have anything worthwhile to post here.) i shall hopefully put stuff up in the next couple of days... mostly it's scoundrels stuff (my masterlist is updated with ao3 links!), and there's a doctor who/farscape crossover that i wrote FOREVER ago that i'm actually quite proud of, and a couple other little things.

the fic will be posted. yeah yeah.

oh! i finally remembered the spring session of camp nano. so that is also a thing which i am doing. so far, so good.

you might as well call me a liar

i'm bad at consistency.

in my defense, life is a thing. two jobs, black belt tests, a hundred writing projects that may or may not ever get done. it's not an excuse, persay; but it's valid. we all have real lives don't we?

as you may be familiar with, here is another "imma totally do better with the things" post. maybe 1000th time's the charm, huh? *wink*

(in all seriousness I have fic to post at least? that should keep me busy for a while.)

ps. Camp NaNO starts in three days! That guarantees AT LEAST one writing-update post, right?
it's been an interesting couple of months.

i finished camp nanowrimo, that's something! i actually did really well, my goal was 30k and i did 45. I didn't finish the story by any means, but at the end of the day i'm proud of what i wrote, and my characterization wasn't too shabby either ;).

after that was august, which was a little bit of a blur and more just "i need to get through this" than anything else. i don't remember exactly, but i got to go on an actual vacation for the first time in 5 years at the beginning of september, so i'm pretty sure my mindset was just to survive until then.

(vacation was lovely, by the way. eden inn and resort in lancaster, pennsylvania. if you ever have a chance or a reason to stay there, DO IT. it's the most gorgeous hotel i have ever been in. look at their website. look at their BALLROOM: http://www.edenresort.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/73-Eden-Resort-Indoor-Courtyard-Wedding-Reception-p0000004-1660x501.jpg )

end of september, i ended up getting my learner's permit (even though i'm gonna be 24 in like 3 weeks) because laws in my state are stupid and even though i know how to drive i need to go through the process anyways and pay a crap ton of money for common sense *growl*. but that was a thing. and then, the first 3 days of october i was absent from real life as i prepared for my best friend's wedding/was actually in the wedding and had to be way more girly/social than is my natural state of being. the whole experience was very interesting: exciting and fun and terrifying and uncomfortable and happy and very, very sad because bride and groom are moving basically across the country. and i am super happy for them (he's got a heck of a woman and i'll beat him if he doesn't treat her right!), but for me it sucks. maintaining long-distance friendships has never been my forte. i try, but more often than not i'm the only one who tries. and i have few enough real life friends who actually live in my state right now that losing her is a big deal. it's killing me a little inside even though i really am happy for them.

but that's just the way my life turns out. over the past few years i have experienced a steady succession of getting close to people only for them to leave, and of all those relationships i have maintained...one consistently. one came back for a year but is gone again, another just came back so we are now maintaining our relationship again...but of all the many people who have left me and not been able to come back, there is ONE who i still talk to on a regular basis. and i am not looking forward to being cripplingly lonely for the next however-long. i don't make friends easy. and right now, because of all this angst and emotion, i really don't particularly want to be with other people, either. certainly not people i trust. withdrawing from the world may not be the healthiest way to deal with this, but it's all i know and right now i feel like i need some space.

wow i'm sorry, this post started out vaguely hopeful and then took a swift turn downhill into "whiny little brat" territory. i'm just not sure what to do with my emotions. i don't want to whine at people in person because most of it is silly and selfish and not their problem. and hey, i don't trust people. so ranting and complaining about stuff on the internet is totally the best option, right? :p

on the upside, my Jesus-time has been back on track. i HATE to be that person who needs to have awful things happen to them to start getting right with God again, but it's been good. i look back now and wonder why i ever got lazy about it.

and i'm still writing! nanowrimo is (for real) happening in a little less than a month, and i am SO psyched! i can't wait to see what the influences of the past couple of months do to make it into whatever i end up writing.

okay, so we ended vaguely hopeful. this is good. we're working on it.

(i have a few new writings to post/i need to update my scoundrels master list, so hopefully i'll be around in the next few weeks)

the 30k word job

guys guys!! camp nanowrimo started for me today!! you all have to understand that nano is my favorite time of the year, and the summer session is wonderful because...well it's basically like november without the pressure, for me. my word goal is 30k instead of 50k, and i am planning on doing shorts instead of one long continuous novel...basically any fiction that i write this month counts. it's just a really fun, exciting thing to do with my spare time this summer and i'm pumped.

side note: i have decided that this summer, i am going to a con (and what i mean by "this summer" is "before the end of the year"). this is the first time in my life that i've ever been looking up cons, or people who i care about making appearances, and have been able to look at my bank account and say "hey, i can afford to go do this thing and meet you". that's exciting to me. and there are people who i care about now, who are going to be around a bit in the next couple of months, and assuming that i get the logistics worked out between my jobs and stuff, i can absolutely afford to go. i've always wanted to do a con, and as much as i'd like a friend to go with, i also think that it will be really exciting on my own (because everyone i could ask is broke or unavailable *weeps*). i just...i'm an incredibly selfish person, and this summer i want to do something that is for ME. i don't really get to do that very often, not with any kind of long-term benefits. but if i make it to the event i want to do, and i get to meet the person i'd be going for, my emotional well-being would be set for at least the next couple of months. and it would be REALLY nice to have that...

checking in for a hot second

see? i'm still here! i'm proving it!!

the next month and a half are going to be crazy busy for me (like that's anything new). but really though. i have two weddings in two weeks, a wedding shower for a different girl, a staff meeting at one of my jobs, a special work day at my church to clean up the grounds, memorial day is a thing, my parents anniversary was today, i have TWO JOBS...and somewhere within it all i need to complete the whole "license" process that, as a 20-something year old, i really have no excuse to have not done (not that we admit that to people in Real Life. it's none of their business when they have a lot of opinions but never offered help when i was young and naive).

oh, and then WRITING is something that i still am doing on a regular basis, though FINISHING is an entirely different thing and i'm actually a little frustrated with the fact that nothing is getting done even though i'm writing tons of words. but we all have our seasons, and right now it appears i've hit a rough patch.

Agent Carter: Armor

Fandom: Agent Carter
Title: Armor
Disclaimer: Agent Carter and all of the rest of the Captain America universe are the property of Marvel, and anyone they might share it with. I'm just borrowing. No copyright infringement intended!!
Word Count 1093
Characters: Howard Stark, Peggy Carter

Author's Notes: I adore Peggy Carter. She stands out as particularly admirable among female characters and role models, and I have so far been terribly pleased with how she's handled.

While I don't think that Howard Stark was ever in love with Peggy, I don't think that it's entirely outside the realm of possibility, either. At any rate, it has been interesting to explore.


Summary: Howard can see the layers of armor she puts on; the lies she tells to fool herself first, and the rest of them as an afterthought.Collapse )

life update + new obsessions

Yes, I'm still alive ;). The new year has just made me...busy, that's all. Between my family, church stuff, the few friends I interact with regularly, and two jobs, a lot of stuff falls through the cracks. I hate how unreliable I am about posting stuff, though.

Jobs are a thing, by the way. There have been significant changes at both of my jobs in the last couple of months, a new person coming in as the sort of second-in-command at one job (though since my boss is NEVER there, this new guy is basically in charge...and I like him, but his personality rubs me the wrong way and I find him harder to deal with then the two guys who came before him). At the other, I got vaguely promoted; I am NOT in charge and I answer to a few other people, but now some people have to answer to me so I'm a little bit in charge and I sound like I'm 13 instead of 23, but I REALLY am not comfortable with this kind of responsibility, haha. But it's actually gone mostly smoothly so far, so it's okay.

In terms of writing...I'm all over the place. I have some Scoundrels stuff I really should be posting, but I need to do edits and that series has a seasonal feel for me, it's highly dependent upon the weather and my mood if I'm actually working on it or not (which is not particularly professional, but I'm an artist so lets just consider it "my style"). Added to that is the fact that I keep trying and failing to swear off of fanfiction and focus on original things. Not that I'm not also writing original things, but I keep getting DISTRACTED...by reading Narnia stuff. Or anything to do with Marvel that isn't sickeningly shippy. Oh, and Agent Carter is a thing. Yeah. If ever there was a show tailor made to highlight my favorite obsessions...

...so yeah, between all of that, my life is pretty much a madhouse. BUT, because Agent Carter IS a thing and there are feels and angsts and POTENTIAL, I shall shortly be posting a small fic in the fandom...because I am vaguely obsessed...

(shhhh I don't need to act my age, what are you talking about?! I can just fangirl like I'm 14 forever, right??)

Respectable Scoundrels: Part 6

It's been a while!! I'm excited to start adding to this series again, it's been way too long but I still adore it. I am trying to decide now which order to post some of these in, because there's actually quite a few stored up (written OUT of order), and I need to arrange them so that I don't give certain things away without posting the fic that made them happen first. This is what I get for letting them sit around for so long!

Title: Mrs. F Takes Over

Fandoms: Stargate SG1, Warehouse 13, White Collar

Characters: Vala Mal Doran, Mrs. Frederic, Neal Caffrey

Disclaimer: Stargate, Warehouse 13, and White Collar all belong to their respective owners; I'm just borrowing. No copyright infringement intended!!

Summary: Vala's boss has an unsettling tendency to appear in her flat without warning. (or, how Neal becomes a Warehouse Agent, officially)Collapse )

2014 last hurrah

this year has brought about the beginnings and endings of many beautiful things. i am not sure what this coming year will bring, but i know i'm not ready yet to say goodbye. 

things are changing, and change is hard. i feel like i am losing people, gaining empty space in the absence of friendship. it's hard to always be the one to get left behind. to be stalled and stagnant while the rest of the world advances in leaps and bounds. i am selfish, and i wish people wouldn't. 

thank God for His perfect peace, because i know He will sustain me. He MUST sustain me, for i know what i am losing even if i am the only one who see  it clearly. He will carry me, because there will be nothing else. no one but my Lord. 

happy new year, everyone (:


...so for those of you who may have been wondering, i DID make it back from my trip alive, haha!! ;) and it was wonderful, and when i returned home life became EXTREMELY busy and this is why i had utterly forgotten to post anything here for a while.

BUT THAT IS ABOUT TO CHANGE for today at least.

it's november, which means that nanowrimo is here!! this is the most wonderful time of the year, filled with literary abandon and glorious WORDS and i just love it so much.

and not only words, but it gives me a lovely opportunity to make cover art for my novel!!


you can learn more about what i've been writing this month here.


stained glass

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